My God

                  Today signifies the birth of our Lord Jesus and on this day I honour you Lord, my prayers are dedicated to you Lord Jesus, the presents I receive I give thanks to you, the food I eat and the drink I consume I toast it all to you. Know Lord that I honour you and love you, not only on this day but all days. Amen

         'Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other - it doesn't matter who it is - and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other'. Mother Therasa                                 I have learned how important it is to smile and that in life, a smile can go a long way. It's not a hardship to smile, even if we don't feel like smiling it can instantly lift our mood and make things seem better.  A smile can change a person's impression of us as we come across more friendlier and approachable rather than miserable and moody therefore people are more than likely to react positively towards us than negatively. A few times I'll be walking and someone will be walking towards me and perhaps they look a little dodgy, a bit menacing and maybe best to avoid looking them in the eye but instead I smile a...

                   Sometimes we can put on a brave face, a mask to hide our true feelings.  We can be so full of bravado or perhaps quiet and withdrawn to try to deceive people into thinking we are in control, we are sorted, we don't need anyone, but underneath that mask of deception we are a mess and life is in tatters.  Even the toughest of men or the angriest of teenagers, or the shyness of women have something that will strike a nerve and make them crumble, the mention of families or children, whatever it may be, we all have something that will reveal our softer more vulnerable side, our real feelings and it takes a lot of trust, comforting and patience and sensitivity to see beneath the anger, hate, and violence, the timidity and solitude and when we are faced with that which makes us crumble  we become like little children and let the mask slip, we allow  our weakness and vulnerability shine through and we are n...

                 I think it is impossible to know who you are and what you are like as a person at 19, 20, 21 years of age and whenever someone asks what your strengths and weaknesses are I don't think a person at that age would really know the answer- at least I didn't anyway. You never really know but you never stop searching for the answers, you never stop learning or trying to understand yourself and I think a lot of pressure is put on people to make decisions about their lives without really knowing why. Trying to find your identity, in my opinion is a lifelong quest and the answers are not always definite or clear. I'm 31 and I still haven't got all the answers, I'm still soul searching. 

                 I watched a film tonight called Dreams of a Life about a 38 year old woman in London who lay dead in her flat and went unnoticed for 3 years. S he was a woman who isolated herself, who was very private and lacked trust in people. She was liked and loved by a lot of people but didn't have many if any friends. She seemed shy and reserved and didn't talk much. She had lost touch with people that cared about her and then found dead, alone in her flat for 3 years with the TV still on and no one came to check she was alright.   I'm not saying this could happen to me but in a way I feel like we are pretty similar in personality and although our lives are so different we could be the same.  I can relate  to her, her isolation,  her shyness,  her lack of friends, how she was a private person I can relate to it all.  I' m a nervous person; especially when it comes to talking. I am not a talker, I am an ob...

                 I have travelled to a few amazing places in the world; Italy, France, London, America and I've seen some wonderful sights but it amazes me to think that  there is still so much world to see outside of Scotland, a world so different to what I'm used to.  so much I still haven't seen and it's crazy to think that there are millions and trillions of people in the world that I will never know but they are out there and they exist as I do. There are streets I will never walk down, restaurants I will never eat at, sights and sounds I will never see or hear because this world is so vast and I so small but I am so grateful to have seen what I have and may the journeys continue. 

Sometimes we need to be reminded of certain things because we have either forgotten or we have lost sight of what's important. Sometimes with relationships there is a build up of tension and anger and a lack of communication that it's difficult to see why couples get together in the first place but sometimes they just need to be reminded of what they love about each other and what they had in the beginning and the fun times they had together.  Sometimes we can be discouraged and lack motivation for the jobs that we do but we need to remember what is was that drove us onto that chosen career path and what we hoped we could accomplish and where it would lead so that we can ignite that ambition and that motivation once more.  Sometimes we need reminded of where we came from because we've lost sight of who we are and allowed money and fame to consume us and dictate who and what really matters and we need to remember our struggles and appreciate what we have.  Sometimes we nee...

                 We are so blind to what God has put in front of us, so distracted by the materialism of this world and by our own shallow existence that we have become more concerned by our own vanity and how we look and our outwardly appearance. Our lives are mostly centred around living a glamourous lifestyle, centred around fame, money and possessions, centred around sex and relationships, centred around reputation. Our lifestyles today are about keeping up with the joneses, being the toughest, being the best, w e've forgotten to see the beauty around us.  We've forgotten that we are beautiful with or without make up, inside and out. We've forgotten that fame is when we are idolised by our children, our friends and our family, knowing that whatever we do we will always be stars in their eyes.  We've forgotten the riches of life, the simple pleasures that cost nothing but mean the world - a  heartwarming hug, a passiona...

                  I  just watched a programme about the Kray twins and I wondered how anyone could look up to them how anyone could admire them and aspire to be like them.  If they knew everything they did, if they had seen the horror and pain and torture they inflicted on people would they still feel the same. Perhaps it's the idea of them that people admire, the power and control they had over people. People that think they are invinsable and no one can touch them because they can pick up a gun but to actually kill someone with that gun is another story. Some might feel tough because they carry a knife, to actually stab someone with that knife is another story but that is the reality of carrying a weapon and  our idea is nothing compared to the reality, the idea is sometimes better than the reality and what people think they know about the Krays is better than the reality of them.

                                   Racism - there is no place in this world for it and I think it honourable to stand up against it despite the fact that some people might go against you. We are all worthy of a place in this world and our race, creed, sexuality and beliefs shouldn't matter, we all deserve respect no matter who we are.  I n the past there had been many inspirational political and religious leaders; Martin Luther king jr, Mother Teresa, President Kennedy, John Lennon and Mahatma Gandhi. These leaders all fought for peace and equality, t hey fought for change against injustice, against racism and discrimination, against poverty and oppression, they  stood up for what they believed in, they took a stand and made a difference in the world. They made history.  Although racism and oppression and poverty and injustice still exist today, we have seen many positive change...

            The parable of the scattering of seeds in Mark 4:13-20 highlights my journey with God and in the past I was a person who  heard the message and immediately received it with joy.  But since I didn’t have deep roots, I didn’t last long. I fell away as soon as I had problems or I was persecuted for believing God’s word  but this is no longer true for me. I have gone through some testing times but I have remained in Christ throughout. Today I feel that I fall into the category where I  hear God’s word,   but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced.  Now I know this isn't the ideal position to be in but it gives me hope that I am moving forward - slowly but surely.  I  desperately want to have a more intimate relationship with God, I want to hear  and accept God’s word and produce a harvest.  I...

                                                   I went for a walk the other day to a place I had never been to before it was quite secluded, a beautiful, peaceful forest and I enjoyed strolling along through the tall trees, listened to the birds tweet, wandered along one of the many trails and caught a glimpse of a rabbit or two; until I saw a group of people up ahead, then I stopped, turned around and went back - the adventure was over.  But what was I so afraid of? I could simply say I was frightened of being jumped, mugged or beaten up because let's face it, that is the sort of world we are living in and we're not safe anymore.  But was my fear really justified, did I have any reason to think these people were going to harm me; no I didn't.  So why do we live in fear, why do we assume the worst of people. I think our fear stems from the ...

There is a man by the name of Thomas Merton who says that it is easier to be someone else than to discover who we really are, it easier to pretend than to be vulnerable and weak and a failure.  He also says that i f we think ourselves superior to others, that we never make mistakes, that we are without blemish then we are only fooling ourselves, we are not being honest or true to ourselves and therefore denying who we really are. Thomas Merton also says that we don't take our time to truly discover who we really are, we have become lazy and resigned to the fact that we live the lives we live and it can't change, we do the things we do and that's just who we are; good or bad and we can't be anyone different, even if we want to. But  we can change. If we realise our mistakes and accept that we are not perfect and never will be, only then will we begin to truly discover who we really are.  We can change but it will take time and effort and a lot of searching, reflecting an...

Our conscience is a very powerful tool. We often are driven by our feelings over what is really the right thing to do, we let our wrath, greed, sloth, lust, gluttony and envy control us and sometimes these feelings cause us to make bad choices. These choices usually land us in hot water or even destroy us, all because we are manipulated by our own selfish wants and desires that we never really think it through, we never really think about the consequences or about anything or anyone but ourselves in these moments. We are driven by our feelings and not by our conscience.  By  listening to our conscience we can make wiser decisions and do the right thing more often without even weighing up the pros and cons because there are no pro and cons to doing the right thing - our conscience is our guide and it  is always better to listen to our conscience than it is to follow our feelings.

                                              Some people find the courage to seize the day and get from life what they want, they go through hell and high water to achieve their dreams and they don't care what people think. Some people  grab life by the balls and they truly live; some don't.  Some people who are too scared to take a risk, who let life pass them by and let routine slowly poison their souls, are always dreaming but never seizing and living a life full of wonder and regret.  But sometimes we just need to get out there,  believe the impossible  and live the lives we want before it's too late and when we get too complacent, to comfortable and stuck in a rut, that is when we need God to shake us up, give us a kick up the backside and make us get up and do something with our lives -  even if it is a risk and it's scary and unpredicta...

            I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Finding Sanctuary' by Abbot Christopher Jamison. It is difficult for me to find sanctuary inside my head as I can't seem to switch off my thoughts. In hospital I barely thought about anything and I didn't know what to do with myself, without any thoughts in my head I had nothing to do but stare at the walls and I quickly became bored, lonely and isolated. It sounds strange but my thoughts are like my constant companion, my thoughts keep the blood pumping through my veins and with my head bursting with thoughts, I know I am alive. But we all need silence in our heads sometimes, we all need a break from thinking so much and not be distracted by our thoughts or feel frightened or awkward by the silence but to embrace it and feel comfortable in it because when we are silent God allows us to see the true condition of our heart and just as it is important to be active it is even more important to be still. Wh...

                   I'm beginning to learn that it is easier not to react to things, it's easier not to react to animosity and anger because it will only escalate into something much more destructive, it's better to ignore and walk away. I'm learning to let people fight their own battles or else risk stirring up a whole new war of words. It's better to ignore any hurtful or offensive comments and not give it power by believing the lies and playing into their hands. W e can't allow anything to hurt us by reacting to it and when we don't react  we don't receive the backlash, don't react and we come out clean.  But when nasty comments become threatening and intimidating and even physical that is when it is time to react.  I don't like to see bullying, bullies putting down or laughing at others because I know how that affects  someone's self esteem, self worth and confidence, it can destroy them and affect their future but...

              I   see marriages falling apart on TV, I read about marriages torn in half in magazines and I hear about seemingly rock solid couples crumbling before my eyes and although I am not married and I don't know what goes into a marriage it seems to me that no one really values it anymore.  I believe that nothing should come before your marriage, not work, money, socialising, distance, or petty disagreements. Nothing!  if i was married and I knew things were heading in the wrong direction and I knew the cause, I'd do anything in my power to change it, fix or stop it from happening because I  believe marriage should be what we live, breathe and die for, your partner should be your priority, m arriage is sacred and s ometimes we need to put in a little more effort, work a little harder and find a positive even when things are so dire and be willing to work at it. M arriage is more valuable than money, marriage is mor...

           In life most of us start off badly, we make mistakes, we do things or say things to people that we regret, we do things to ourselves that we regret and most of us end up going in a direction we know is  harmful to us. But I believe these times teach us to grow, become stronger, succeed, move forward, trust that God is for us and that God has a purpose for all we endure in life and sometimes we just need to recognise and see the truth of things. Although we start off badly, in Christ we can start again, we can start anew, our past is erased. We learn from starting off badly and aim to live it right second time round and when we are joined with Jesus, we can live our lives right.

                                           Our bodies are temples of the Lord and we must care for our bodies, we must nourish our bodies with goodness and to intentionally harm our bodies in any way is a bad idea.  To intentionally harm our bodies or scar our bodies is a bad idea, to intentionally starve our bodies or become unhealthily overweight is a bad idea and to intentionally harm our bodies with poisonous drink and drugs is a bad idea.  Jesus lives in all of us, this we must understand, he is our body, our soul, everything, everything we do to our bodies we do to Christ. Every corrupt thought, we wound Christ with it. Every bad word said, every sinful reaction we poison our saviour with it, therefore we must love our bodies as we love Jesus.

'your travelling but at the same time you haven't left home' This quote is from Paulo Coelho's book Aleph  and it is a quote that makes me think about how safe and confident I feel when I have my mum by my side and when she's not there, I'm lost, I'm like a deer in the headlights and can't talk to people or do things by myself. My mum is my comfort blanket. I  so desperately want to be grown up and independent but to me, to be grown up doesn't mean having a job or a house and paying bills, to be grown up to me means feeling confident in myself, being able to speak to people with wisdom and authority in my voice to get what I want. To be grown up means having an opinion and being heard, it means standing up for myself.   All the things I feel I lack and struggle to accomplish. But I realise this and I see that I need to be brave and be more independent if I'm ever going to move on with my life, achieve all the things I hope to achieve ...

               So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.  2 Thessalonians 1:11 At the moment I am reading a book called Alter Ego by Craig Groeschel and the study guide that goes with it really helps me to look into myself and see myself in an honest light.  I am motivated by my emotions, negative emotions at that eg: fear, anxiety, low self esteem and lack of confidence in my abilities to be me.  It's so difficult for me to try to relate to people, talk to people, open up and feel at ease with people, putting myself out there to be judged and criticised and exposed.   I often wonder what life must be like for a monk or a nun, what must life be like if you didn't have to force yourself to speak to people, if you weren't materialistic in the slightest, if you were living your life exactly...

                                           In today's society we have become excessive. Some of us drink excessively to the point we pass out and don't know what we're doing, some of us smoke and take excessive amounts of drugs. Some of us spend an excessive amount of money on clothes and on looking good. Some of us eat an excessive amount of food that will cause major health problems and eventually kill us. Some of us have multiple sexual partners and none of us realise the damage were doing to ourselves until it's too late, excess is ruining us.  I feel that our excessiveness is symbolic to how empty we feel sometimes, it highlights a deeper issue within us that we are trying to deny or hide and really we are just trying to fill a void in our lives by covering up how lonely and unhappy and how insignificant we sometimes feel.  I think it is important to face these is...

          Sometimes we think the Lord will never bless us. We have lost hope, have given up, are stuck in a rut and can't or won't move forward and given up even trying. Some of us give up on our relationships, give up trying to make things right, give up on having a better life.  We all have dark days, days when we just can't seem to get anything right, we all suffer from broken hearts, loss, go through some really difficult times in our lives but it's important to struggle on and fight, to never crumble but to be strong and remain in christ. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.    We may choose not to notice that God is blessing our lives because it's easier to live like there is no hope, it's easier to put the blame onto others, blame society for our failings so that we don't have to  look to ourselves to see how bad things are. We choose to deny the good things, we choose to ignore the positives, we choose to be blind to Gods...

,            I wish for certainty in my life. I wish I were more certain about the things I want to do, my thoughts and the decisions I make. Do I do this, do I do that, do I go this way or that way, which way do I turn, which direction do I go in?  I don't know. I am wary of getting into something that may be a danger to me, something I will regret, something that can complicate my life. One wrong turn, that's all it takes! I know I'm sensible and maybe a little too sensible but  I feel that my uncertainty, my barriers are what keep me from making mistakes I'll end up regretting, my barriers prevent me from making bad decisions, from making that one wrong move. But my fears are also holding me back from taking risks and following my heart and doing all the things I want to do in my life. I realise I need God more than I think I do in order to change my heart and my anxious and fearful thoughts. I need to learn to trust that God will keep me s...

           Some of us need to be asked a question that requires being honest, something that needs to be brought to light without getting defensive.  Sometimes we can get so defensive when asked questions like What are you trying prove? Who are you trying to impress?  We feel attacked, judged, ashamed even when asked questions that put us on the spot and exposes a secret we're trying to hide, feelings were trying to hide, something we are trying to hide and becoming defensive about it.  Sometimes we need to let those defensive feelings go and truly look at ourselves, look at our lives   honestly and reveal the truth about who we are and the way we live our lives. Some of us need to change direction in our lives and hear from God.  I think that in today's society sin has become watered down to make it seem less of a big deal, but sin is sin and there is no pussyfooting around it, no excuses for it, no blaming anyone but yourself. Y...

                                    I met so many amazing women when I was in and out of hospital, Betsy, Margaret, Rose, Janet, Isabella and Wilma to name but a few and all had their own little quirks and things about them that I loved and found inspiring and fascinating, but I realised that hospital had become a safe haven for us all. When you have been ill and in hospital, being cared for, having people around, getting rest, the thought of going home was scary and daunting.  It may sound crazy but I felt kind of safe in hospital, no worries or responsibilities and for some - hospital was a better place to be than home. For me it was an escape from the responsibilities of running a house, I wanted to be independent and I wanted the responsibility but it had become more of a burden than a blessing lately. For Wilma, she had a husband at home with senile dementia and had been struggling t...

This passage talks to me about how we are never satisfied, how some things in our lives amount to nothing and how this can make us lose hope. Life can be hard for us sometimes but I believe that without God it can be harder and we end up just existing, but it doesn't have to be that way, if only we took more notice of God and believed.  I try to understand why bad things happen and how some people can be so poisonous to go out and commit horrific crimes and the world seems like it is in such a mess, of course this affects me but there are good people out there, doing good for the world and for others and spreading positivity and love, we just need to take a moment to notice it.  It is difficult to keep your faith in such a sinful, corrupt world, w e might lose hope in humanity sometimes and  it would be so easy to use that as an excuse to give up on God but  God teaches us that the day of judgement will come and people will receive their punishment. ...

  I cannot believe that my niece is three years old. She is so special to me and I could not imagine life without her. Everything she says, everything she does makes me love her more and I can't believe how proud I am of her. She is such a clever little girl, has a great understanding of things and  picks up things so easily. She's polite, she's confident but shy and she's a little chatterbox with a sweet tooth, just like her mummy, daddy, granny pig and auntie Casey. We all as a unit have raised a wonderful little girl with a great character that you can't help but fall in love with her. She truly is a blessing in all our lives. 

  He loved his disciples, he loved them as you love me. He protected them as you protect me. He guarded them as you guard me. He told them many things as you have told me many things. He gave them his word as you have given me. He loved them as you love me and I love you. 

From birth I have always been sick, born prematurely and deaf and by the age of eight I began having growth hormone injections to make me grow - obviously! Then I was diagnosed with Russell Silver syndrome which is a form of dwarfism and carries with it mild learning difficulties so it was a struggle growing up! Over the years I suffered with recurrent chest infections and this has followed me through to adulthood and at 21 I was hospitalised with pneumonia. I was in and out of hospital for the next few years till eventually my mum demanded something be done - as mothers do! It turned out I had a condition called IGG deficiency which is a low immune system and the reason for my chest infections and bouts of pneumonia and for this I receive a weekly infusion which I administer at home and will have to do this for the rest of my life. I had been well for four years, no pneumonia, no hospital admissions - nothing, completely healthy and happy!  Then last year I was back and...