Dreams of a life

          

     

I watched a film tonight called Dreams of a Life about a 38 year old woman in London who lay dead in her flat and went unnoticed for 3 years. She was a woman who isolated herself, who was very private and lacked trust in people. She was liked and loved by a lot of people but didn't have many if any friends. She seemed shy and reserved and didn't talk much. She had lost touch with people that cared about her and then found dead, alone in her flat for 3 years with the TV still on and no one came to check she was alright. 

I'm not saying this could happen to me but in a way I feel like we are pretty similar in personality and although our lives are so different we could be the same. I can relate to her, her isolation,  her shyness,  her lack of friends, how she was a private person I can relate to it all. 

I'm a nervous person; especially when it comes to talking. I am not a talker, I am an observer and a listener and talking makes me feel self conscious. I am not a person that likes to be centre of attention and when people look at me to talk to me, I squirm. My conversations with people are short and sweet, I don't go into detail, I don't have long conversations or debates and I don't like talking about myself because that is just to uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from people and hate the fact that I can't talk freely and with ease. I hate the fact that I feel like a dithering idiot and can't talk to people and I need to learn to be more open, to let people in and allow myself to get close to people. I need to give more of myself so that I can connect on a deeper level with others and hopefully build solid relationships but in order to do that I need to start talking and I feel that this is what Dreams of a Life is all about, reaching out to people and keeping relationships strong, to trust and open up and invite people into our lives or end up alone and unnoticed.