My God

            The parable of the scattering of seeds in Mark 4:13-20 highlights my journey with God and in the past I was a person who  heard the message and immediately received it with joy.  But since I didn’t have deep roots, I didn’t last long. I fell away as soon as I had problems or I was persecuted for believing God’s word  but this is no longer true for me. I have gone through some testing times but I have remained in Christ throughout. Today I feel that I fall into the category where I  hear God’s word,   but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced.  Now I know this isn't the ideal position to be in but it gives me hope that I am moving forward - slowly but surely.  I  desperately want to have a more intimate relationship with God, I want to hear  and accept God’s word and produce a harvest.  I...

                                                   I went for a walk the other day to a place I had never been to before it was quite secluded, a beautiful, peaceful forest and I enjoyed strolling along through the tall trees, listened to the birds tweet, wandered along one of the many trails and caught a glimpse of a rabbit or two; until I saw a group of people up ahead, then I stopped, turned around and went back - the adventure was over.  But what was I so afraid of? I could simply say I was frightened of being jumped, mugged or beaten up because let's face it, that is the sort of world we are living in and we're not safe anymore.  But was my fear really justified, did I have any reason to think these people were going to harm me; no I didn't.  So why do we live in fear, why do we assume the worst of people. I think our fear stems from the ...

There is a man by the name of Thomas Merton who says that it is easier to be someone else than to discover who we really are, it easier to pretend than to be vulnerable and weak and a failure.  He also says that i f we think ourselves superior to others, that we never make mistakes, that we are without blemish then we are only fooling ourselves, we are not being honest or true to ourselves and therefore denying who we really are. Thomas Merton also says that we don't take our time to truly discover who we really are, we have become lazy and resigned to the fact that we live the lives we live and it can't change, we do the things we do and that's just who we are; good or bad and we can't be anyone different, even if we want to. But  we can change. If we realise our mistakes and accept that we are not perfect and never will be, only then will we begin to truly discover who we really are.  We can change but it will take time and effort and a lot of searching, reflecting an...

Our conscience is a very powerful tool. We often are driven by our feelings over what is really the right thing to do, we let our wrath, greed, sloth, lust, gluttony and envy control us and sometimes these feelings cause us to make bad choices. These choices usually land us in hot water or even destroy us, all because we are manipulated by our own selfish wants and desires that we never really think it through, we never really think about the consequences or about anything or anyone but ourselves in these moments. We are driven by our feelings and not by our conscience.  By  listening to our conscience we can make wiser decisions and do the right thing more often without even weighing up the pros and cons because there are no pro and cons to doing the right thing - our conscience is our guide and it  is always better to listen to our conscience than it is to follow our feelings.

                                              Some people find the courage to seize the day and get from life what they want, they go through hell and high water to achieve their dreams and they don't care what people think. Some people  grab life by the balls and they truly live; some don't.  Some people who are too scared to take a risk, who let life pass them by and let routine slowly poison their souls, are always dreaming but never seizing and living a life full of wonder and regret.  But sometimes we just need to get out there,  believe the impossible  and live the lives we want before it's too late and when we get too complacent, to comfortable and stuck in a rut, that is when we need God to shake us up, give us a kick up the backside and make us get up and do something with our lives -  even if it is a risk and it's scary and unpredicta...

            I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Finding Sanctuary' by Abbot Christopher Jamison. It is difficult for me to find sanctuary inside my head as I can't seem to switch off my thoughts. In hospital I barely thought about anything and I didn't know what to do with myself, without any thoughts in my head I had nothing to do but stare at the walls and I quickly became bored, lonely and isolated. It sounds strange but my thoughts are like my constant companion, my thoughts keep the blood pumping through my veins and with my head bursting with thoughts, I know I am alive. But we all need silence in our heads sometimes, we all need a break from thinking so much and not be distracted by our thoughts or feel frightened or awkward by the silence but to embrace it and feel comfortable in it because when we are silent God allows us to see the true condition of our heart and just as it is important to be active it is even more important to be still. Wh...

                   I'm beginning to learn that it is easier not to react to things, it's easier not to react to animosity and anger because it will only escalate into something much more destructive, it's better to ignore and walk away. I'm learning to let people fight their own battles or else risk stirring up a whole new war of words. It's better to ignore any hurtful or offensive comments and not give it power by believing the lies and playing into their hands. W e can't allow anything to hurt us by reacting to it and when we don't react  we don't receive the backlash, don't react and we come out clean.  But when nasty comments become threatening and intimidating and even physical that is when it is time to react.  I don't like to see bullying, bullies putting down or laughing at others because I know how that affects  someone's self esteem, self worth and confidence, it can destroy them and affect their future but...